Shape shift

There have always been people in my life that only see what is before their eyes and lack the intelligence, maturity or depth of thought to realise that this is not what they will get.

There are those people who only see the world in black and white and fail to realise that the world has millions on millions of colours. There are those who believe their way is the only way and fail to realise that this sort of thought makes them ridiculous. There are those who are intolerant of what they do not know; in fact, they reject anything that doesn't fit in the little narrow-minded view they have of the world.

There are those who do not even know that man is a complex thing. Those who do not know that a mere facade is what is facing them and that this facade is a true yet very very small part of the person that stands before them. This kind of people take one look at you and think they know you, think they've got you pegged, think you are a two-dimensional being, think they can control you and they can always predict what you'll do.

There are this sort of people who fail to realise that a facade can be worn not for deception, but for keeping affairs civil, for politeness, for diplomacy, for making the world easier for living. These are the people who will think a joker is a fool, a dreamer is a loony, a person who searches is a person lost. These people will think an animal sleeping is an animal dead, will meet the wolf and treat it as a lapdog.

They are welcome to their reality and their beliefs. I would respect them, if their behaviour did not affect me or those dear to me. I am very very patient. I give hundreds of chances, I give hundreds of warnings. But when I snap, I fucking snap.

So, a change is coming. A shift. Some are no longer worthy of my nice persona. If they had convinced themselves that my good behaviour meant that I was a new-born pup, they are in for a bloody nasty surprise.

There. Ranted and will not get an anger headache tonight. How fucking lovely.

Feel the love flow...

So, I was sort of going to write a totally different post, but, in light of the fires raging in my country and the government's reaction to the situation, I decided to copy here what is, for me, one of the best pages in my favourite webcomic, "Pictures of You".

It's called "Angry Letter to the Government #467"



Dear Government Stooge,

we have a problem to discuss. You take my money and then tell me how to live my life, and then you spend that money on hired goons who make it illegal for me not to pay you.

I have spent the better part of the last several years trying to think of an appropriate analogy for the nature of our wholly dysfunctional relationship.

My first thought was that of the mafia squeezing a local business owner for protection money, but then I recalled the injustice of having to give you my implied consent for your actions in the form of my vote.

The beauty pageant you laughingly refer to as the democratic process is an ingenious tool in reinforcing your delusion that your actions are righteous, and that I have in some way chosen you, or at least agreed to in some way.

I have come recently, though, to the realization that ours is an abusive marriage, and that you are liken to a husband who spends all my money, controls everything I do and tells me how I would be lost without you.

Every few years you buy flowers and promise you'll change, but as soon as I take you back, you're drinking the grocery money and telling me it's my fault when you can't find your car keys.

I am writing this letter to confess that I no longer believe it when you say you'll make dinner now and then or do the dishes or fix the toilet. I don't want to pick up your dirty socks anymore, and I have no desire to look the other way when you cheat on me.

In short, government, I want a divorce.

Sincerely yours,
Patrick Hogan
XOXO




*All the above is written by Gibson Twist, none belongs to me, though I share the sentiment more than I can say*

If you meet me, have some courtesy...

(I totally keep the right of using "Sympathy for the Devil" in more than one posts)

Yesterday was, in its most part, a horrible, painful, annoying day.

I woke up at 11:00, having slept for four hours, when a "friend" called my cell to ask me out for coffee and so hand me my invite for her wedding. We arranged to meet at 13:00. Slept a half-hour more, made coffee, went in for a shower. She was ringing my doorbell at 12:05, then called 25 times - no joke - on my cell and 10 more on my home line in the space of five minutes.
I rinsed off, called her back. In between, she had gone back to the place she was staying - a ten-minute-walk from mine. She decided 13:00 was now too early. But she was hungry. Maybe some lunch together?
I'm an accommodating fellow. Sure, I said, would 14:00 be okay?
Or maybe for coffee later? was the musing answer. Just get yourself dressed, stay at home and wait and, when I'm ready, I'll ring and come pick you up...

...People... Am I just being weird? Is it just that I'm a fucking controlling bastard? 'Cause at that line, I saw red. No, no, I saw red. My claws came out. My lips pulled back from my teeth. My bristles stood up at my nape.

image in www.firstpeople.us

I did mention I am a control freak, right? I very calmly - while clawing through my walls - told her that I had plans for the evening. Which I had. I belong to a committee and we had arranged to meet - more of that in another post, probably.

-"Really? You actually have other plans?" was the answer. Just imagine the voice showing the deepest amount of honest surprise.

...Right... Gimme a minute here... Breathe in... Breathe out... And in... And out...

-"Yeah, I do, so..."
-"Then let's meet in the evening."
-"I have to go to the commitee meeting..."
-"Oh, yeah, right..."
-"Shall we meet for lunch, then?"
-"...."
-"Will you be able to make it around 14:00?"
-"Yeah, okay, I suppose I'll have to, won't I."

We met. She ordered a salad, then called the waiter to explain in length why that salad was just not right for her - it was too sweet, not salty, if she wanted sweet she would have gone to a pastry shop, apparently - then ate it all, moaning how very wrong it was at every bite. And regaled me to an account of her wedding preparations - in detail.

Did I mention that I had a raging migraine since I had woken up and during this whole time?

There are few things - if any - more important to me than being polite. I may be a Dark Overlord and all, I may lust after your souls, but I will fucking say please and thank you while comsuming them. And pet you and smile and serve and listen to what you have to say before that.

I'll be in this world for a short period of time. The only way to make it bearable for myself and for others is kindness, politeness, tolerance. Even if it's just an act. Even if in reality my head is splitting open from pain, or even if I want to scream, or curse, or bust my fists through the walls in anger... *

That habit of hers of embarrassing waiters, cleaners or any whose job is to serve, by the way, is like a trademark. She does it all the time. She thinks "It's my money, so you're my bitch". I put quotes on the word friend at the top, because I can consider noone who does this a true friend. For me, the less you know someone, the more sensitive to their feelings you should be.

I listened to everything she said with interest. I smiled and laughed. I hugged her goodbye and kissed her cheek and wished her the best.
A fucking hypocrite is right. And also feeling bitter and all gothic right now. I'm stopping with the philosophy, before I start writing fucking poetry, 'kay?



* not applicable if you hurt my friends - then I'll end you...

YouTube sucks...

...balls and I don't mean in a good way. A good way would be like this:

Asami Ryuuichi, Finder series, by Ayano Yamane

(though that's actually licking and not sucking per se)

Let's explain.

First off, I am, to begin with, a huge fan of YouTube. I have watched nearly 7000 videos over the time I've been online - not terribly long, bought laptop just months ago - mostly music, anime and manga scanlations made by fans into videos. I have left comments. I have rated. I have made friends from different countries with similar interests to mine. Have sworn at people - not the thing with your hand over your heart, the "you stupid motherfucker" thing. Have added videos to my favourites, have made playlists, have subscribed to accounts.

It has always been understood (I mean by me) that YouTube caters to a wide - really wide - range of interests, for example I would only go near something like this kicking, screaming profanities and talking in tongues saying "Our name is Legion". It works for some. It's cool by me. I won't watch it. I won't rate it. I won't comment it. I will not fucking flag it.

Ah, yes, flaggers. People who never met me, will never meet me, will never know me, but who nonetheless know what I don't need in my life and do me the service of removing the said offensive item from my path. Do-gooders. For-the-sake-of-our-young, the-preservation-of-our-future, God-is-on-our-side sorta people (I'll write a post aaaaall about them one day)...

And what do these people do? For example, they find a video with adult content, namely something like this

and flag it. A warning is placed, underaged cannot access it. So far, so good... Then they flag it again. And again. And the YouTube admins - or whachamacallits - suspend the account.

(Jules, babe, I'm so fucking sorry)

My favourites' list has been edited countless times, since vids and accounts are constantly removed. My friends' work goes down the drain. It is a nuisance, a violation and it really, really pisses me off... My pet would now warn you to run for cover.

The people uploading have posted over-18 warnings. Homosexual content warnings ('cause it's evil, you know, God has clearly decreed the nether entrance be used strictly for holy purposes, namely to shit...and, occassionally, fart - you can't just do as you please, boy). Plus "I don't own the manga or the music" notices. But still. Not fucking enough.

I heard this song in such a video



Enter, by Within Temptation


Within Temptation's is not the type of music I would normally listen to - I'm a blues, classic rock, prog fan myself. Therefore, I would never look for it in a store. I watched the video. I heard the music. I now own a couple of CDs. Have posted a link on Facebook. Clearly a loss for the artist...

Most of the manga I own I first found on YouTube - their anime, OVAs or scanlations. That incudes one of my top favourites, Loveless by Yun Kouga.



So, what's the excuse? Is there one? Think, YouTube. How about it? How about asking us? And how about leaving us the fuck alone (man, I have a serious problem with "authority" - hey, every Dark Overlord should)...

Ranted my black heart out... Feel better now... Bed?