Confessions of a dreary mind

...and slightly sleepy at the moment, but what the hell...

Talking with my pet - well, texting, actually - she gave me the idea of confessions. I love lists. So what better than:

More Things You Don't Know About Me (probably)

~I have a dark brown birthmark on the back of my left shin. It's the size of a 2p coin.


~I used to have really straight, shiny, thick, black, oriental hair as a kid.
Now, it's naturally curly, frizzy, thin and brown.

A Japanese baby, by coalbiter in deviantart

~I have been in serious fistfights with nine people.
Three were members of my family.
Four had hurt people I loved.
Two were complete strangers.

I have been in mock fistsfights with anything from sixty to a hundred people.
All of these were during or between kung-fu classes.

kaiji, by theyoungdoyler in deviantart

~I don't feel pain like normal people.
I broke my toe during practice, carried on for six hours. Doctor found it by accident two years later.
I broke my collarbone a year ago. When the two parts ground against each other and dislodged, I just grunted and thought "Shit"


~I cry reading about impossible love stories, doomed or damned people, animals or humans suffering in human hands. Last time was a week ago, during a documentary on the slaying of dolphins.


~The sound of a faucet dripping, a clock ticking, a heartbeat against my ear or any sound that's rhythmic and unchanging, can drive me screaming insane. I don't think there's anything that can make me beg for death more easily (note this if you plan to torture me in the future).




~I've not murdered. I've not committed adultery. I've not stolen.
I have laughed - loudly and mockingly - in the face of every other commandment.


~I usually cannot keep an interest in something for more than a couple of months or in someone for more than a couple of weeks.


~When I get sick or otherwise bed-ridden, I cut off all contact with friends and family, turn off my laptop, turn off my CD-player. I read books and dream dark, gothic dreams, get wild inspirations, then start thinking about self-mutilation and that's when I know it's time for me to go out again or ask a friend for company.

BG Moon-Gothic Landscape, by Ivette-Stock in deviantart

~Last time I peed my pants was when I was in first grade in Elementary school, because the school toilets were dirty and ghastly and I didn't want to go there.


~Ten years ago, I cursed a healthy person - three months later, they died.


~My deepest fear is that nothing will affect me deeply ever.
My second deepest fear is that everything will affect me deeply always.


And, on that philosophical note, I'm off to read some yaoi on mangafox, eat five tangerines I've just peeled *crushes peel between fingers, sniffing ecstatically* smoke a cigarette or two and go to bed...
Nighty-night, babes.

The Kinks

--- No, not the band, the secret (or not) bedroom (or not) stuff ---

By origami-yoyo16, in deviantart

So, a few months back, I - a certified quiz whore - found this test on the net.

Here's the deal: it measures how kinky you are and places you on a spectrum band (red for prudes, ultraviolet for sluts - words used with tremendous affection, trust me). There are about 152 questions asking everything and from various points of view.

Wow. I, for one, didn't know french-kissing would constitute a kink for some.

By jael-kolken, in deviantart

Nor leaving the lights on. But, yeah, these are the mild ones. Brace yourselves if you're taking it.

Myself, I turned out a green, which is in the middle, having quite a few kinks (the worst, probably, being blood sucking)

By jo-chen, in deviantart

but means there are some things I just would not do. For example:

I could never look at Fido or Mittens, you know, that way.

By keyzumi, in deviantart

I'm sure they are lovely...ehm...creatures, but, really, no... No, Spirit the Stallion does not appeal, either. Nor Simba - look, just stop asking, please.

Golden showers and scat-play are a no, as well.

By copycat13, in deviantart

I have OCD. Trauma for life, anyone?

No threesomes.

By ikane, in deviantart

It stands to reason, no orgies, no partner-swapping. I'm an extremely possessive bastard. My partner is mine, MINE, my own, my presiousssss. Noone else gets to touch my partner. Noone who wants to keep their hands/head/cock/tits intact. I carry blades with me at all times - just a warning...*feral growl*

No opening the door naked, no matter who I'm expecting. No posting sex tapes on youporn.

But, yeah, lots and lots and lots (and lots) of cosplay and bonds and razors and food and...you get the idea...

"Oh, my maid", in mangafox

Oh, also, the results come divided in two columns - giving (active) and receiving (passive)... Let's just say, I'm a total seme. Yep, yep, just sit back and relax, my cute little victim. Oh, and bite this gag, love, wouldn't want to wake the neighbours with your screams...*evil purr*

By heise, in deviantart

Go on, take the test. You know you want to. Comment with your results if you will.
Oh, my pet was worried I'd totally give her away. I promise, sweetheart, I'm telling noone you're a red... (She took the test again five minutes ago and told me to edit: she turned out green this time, as well... *sigh* Happy now?)


Note: you can't access some pics if you don't have a deviantart account, they were blocked.

Autumn cleaning tales: the bathroom

Seeing as my best mate is coming over in the next few days (and it'll be the first time he visits) my home-owner instincts kicked in, along with a little OCD crisis, and I decided on a little autumn cleaning.

I started today, with the bathroom. In the space of one morning that proved necessary for cleaning the damned thing to my satisfaction (which means you can eat soup off the floor now *coughs from noxious-cleaning-products-fumes poisoning*) I dug up/threw away the following items:

----Note: no, I'm not a dirty bugger. I simply haven't cleaned thoroughly all summer... I just can't stand the heat, okay?!----

1) A glass ashtray with growing yellow-grey muck, half-filled with dull water and floating ashes. Ah! So that's where you were!
*tapping cigarette ash in random teacup*

2) Katie's old toothbrush, from her visits a year ago.

3) Small, pink, spray bottle smelling suspiciously of strong alcohol - what the fuck?!

4) Bottle of congealed black nail varnish (Goths rule, man)

Sandman, by dokudango

5) Set of make-up brushes, kept for Katie, but she always comes with her own make-up bag, which is the size of a medium backpack, anyway.

6) Bath salts my mom gave me. I shower. They smelled of sickly-sweet, old woman's perfume - end of story.

7) 2 almost empty bottles of conditioner... I have long hair. It's flyaway. It needs conditioning or I get these really nasty split ends... Er...

Dandelion fluff, by tanakawho

8) Nearly full bottle of body oil I proved allergic to - about a year ago. Why I kept it is a mystery... Yeah, body oil, that's what I said... get your mind out of the gutter, will you?

So, now, I'm in a cleaning frenzy. Everything must go. If something has not been used for the past year, tops, I'm kicking it the fuck out of my house.

*eyeing laptop* Nah, I use that all the time...
*eyeing stove* Nah, that one too...
*eyeing carpet* Hmmm!..

Feel the love flow...

So, I was sort of going to write a totally different post, but, in light of the fires raging in my country and the government's reaction to the situation, I decided to copy here what is, for me, one of the best pages in my favourite webcomic, "Pictures of You".

It's called "Angry Letter to the Government #467"



Dear Government Stooge,

we have a problem to discuss. You take my money and then tell me how to live my life, and then you spend that money on hired goons who make it illegal for me not to pay you.

I have spent the better part of the last several years trying to think of an appropriate analogy for the nature of our wholly dysfunctional relationship.

My first thought was that of the mafia squeezing a local business owner for protection money, but then I recalled the injustice of having to give you my implied consent for your actions in the form of my vote.

The beauty pageant you laughingly refer to as the democratic process is an ingenious tool in reinforcing your delusion that your actions are righteous, and that I have in some way chosen you, or at least agreed to in some way.

I have come recently, though, to the realization that ours is an abusive marriage, and that you are liken to a husband who spends all my money, controls everything I do and tells me how I would be lost without you.

Every few years you buy flowers and promise you'll change, but as soon as I take you back, you're drinking the grocery money and telling me it's my fault when you can't find your car keys.

I am writing this letter to confess that I no longer believe it when you say you'll make dinner now and then or do the dishes or fix the toilet. I don't want to pick up your dirty socks anymore, and I have no desire to look the other way when you cheat on me.

In short, government, I want a divorce.

Sincerely yours,
Patrick Hogan
XOXO




*All the above is written by Gibson Twist, none belongs to me, though I share the sentiment more than I can say*

Pictures of You...

I'm totally addicted to this webcomic, it's called Pictures of You - check it out!


Story is about a group of young students in a Canadian university and the way they interract with each other. The comic timing is perfect, the characters are flawless, the situations are completely real, the art is simple and eyecatching. Gibson Twist - author and artist - updates it about twice weekly, he's brilliant!
My fave is Patrick - wow, we are too similar, except I play electric guitar and not bass...


Hope you enjoy it as much as I do - I'm reading it repeatedly, daily, like a dose of medicine or something!

For Katie...

We met almost twelve years ago now. You looked slightly bewildered, anxious, first time alone and away from home. I stalked you for a while, noting what you said and how you behaved and then came up and asked to be your friend. I had no idea just how precious you'd come to be to me or how much I'd grow to love you.

I was in a recuperating time then, building myself anew from my shards of self, deciding by smell who I'd be. You stood by me, bearing my darkness, lighting it with your smile, your naughtiness, your playfulness. And you'd casually bring a swift kick to my ass when I got too gothic and self-pitying for your taste.
You bore my anger, my sadness, my insanity, my fumbling around and you showed me love so effortlessly I was left gasping. Meeting you and your family showed me that there were decent, beautiful people out there.

Through the years we're together, we've weathered some really heavy crises, haven't we? Sickness, loss, changes, distance, life happening around us.
I changed personalities as you changed clothes, but I always felt safe doing so, knowing that you'd love the new me as you loved the old one, you'd accept the new me as you had accepted the old one, with no questions, as if everything is okay and inevitable.
You have no presumptions, no prejudices. You are the only one in this world who knows everything, everything about me. All my secrets. You are the only one I have allowed to see the secret core of me - and you were not repulsed.

During the last bad time we went through, as we sat on the deserted beach and you wept in my arms - so small you got lost in my embrace and, as I squeezed you close, I feared I'd break you if I wasn't careful - I wanted for God to exist, so I'd have someone to hate for your pain. Or for Nature to manifest herself in front of me so I could rip her heart out with my teeth.
You told me, in your despair, you thought of dying. I selfishly told you you couldn't, for where would that leave me? I love you so much, I can't be altruistic. Forgive me for that, my friend.

But now, the darkness has passed and you are happy again. And tomorrow, you are getting engaged to the man of your choice, the man I have grown to love as well, seeing him through your eyes.
I hope he knows what a lucky bastard he is. I hope he treats you as you deserve to be treated. I hope you are always ridiculously happy together, so I can tease you when you get all starry-eyed talking about him.

My friend, thank you. I love you. I wish you joy. I wish you health, but that is too little to contain how I feel about you.

What I really wish for is for the universe to get its thumb out of its ass and start revolving around you, like it's supposed to.

10 people I'd like to meet - a bunny challenge

A friend and blogger issued a request through this post of his (warning: it's not in English) asking us to write a post on the people we'd like to meet. Dead people are not exempt.
So, writing them down in the order the names popped in my head...


1) JRR Tolkien
If I had to rescue one book from my burning apartment, it'd be The Lord of the Rings... It helped me through a rough patch in my life, when my very sanity was in question.
Strangely enough, my favourite is The Silmarillion, as I feel it's more grown up.

I'd just want to hang out with professor Tolkien, share a smoke and listen to any story from his life or his mind...


2) Jimmy Page
The Guitar God. I worship the polished shoes off his feet. My electric guitar is called Jimmy after him. If I learn every Led Zeppelin song, I'll die a content Overlord...

I love the fact that, although he's a poseur of poseurs, he's so in a really nonchalant way, like "This is who I am, I don't have to throw a fucking orgasmic fit on stage to capture the audience - I am the fucking man"
Watch a solo, of "White Summer, Black Mountain side" here - he's 26 years old...


3) Howlin' Wolf
Blues! Bluuuueeeeesss!! I fucking love blues, I fucking adore this guy! That his Rocking Chair album inspired Led Zep is only a small part of his appeal. What a voice! Like gravel rubbing on your skin.

Respect, man!
Watch him playing and talking about blues here.


4) David Mack
The creator of Kabuki, one of my favourite comics. He changes style with each issue, from black-and-white to abstract colour to origami to collage - and he's flawless in every single one!

David Mack pic here, Kabuki pic here

I'd talk comic creation and martial arts with him...then steal rare Kabuki art from his house...


5) Neil Gaiman
Now this one is the writer of my most favourite comic - The Sandman. If you've not read it yet, I'll find you and spank you. Really. He's absolutely brilliant. He writes books and poems, children stories and scripts and, of course, comics.

Neil Gaiman pic here

His head must be bursting with words. I'd love to see that, and maybe hang out at his house, pet his cats and talk humanity and dreams.


6) Dave Brock
The founder, guitarist and vocalist of Hawkwind. Let me... *puffs on a huge spliff*...wow...what?.. Oh, yeah, Hawkwind... Heheh, cool, man... *punches face to compose self* According to all reports, the amount of drugs comsumed by Hawkwind back in the '60s-'70s was epic. Their music is mind-blowing and mind-fucking prog rock.


Questions I'd pose: how the fuck did you survive? Just how big were Stacia's boobs? How's things back in the homeplanet?.. Then we'd play guitar and lie on the grass... Far out...
Watch "Silver Machine" here.


7) Manic Street Preachers
Yeah, yeah, 'cause I have deep thoughts about where this world is going, too, dontcha know? Seriously, though, I dig their dedication to their beliefs and their tendency to blithely kick the nuts of the political/religious/whatever arseholes of this world...(the anatomical possibility of this last phrase intrigues me)...


If I could meet only one of them, it'd be Nicky Wire - I just bet we'd find something to argue very loudly about in the very first minute.
Watch "If you tolerate this, then your children will be next" here.


8) Yun Kouga
The mangaka of Loveless, one of my favourite manga.



She made me cry, that bitch... *sniff*...*punches self again* She is really, really good, she really understands her characters psychology and flaws and plays around with their souls, their hearts, with words, dreams, trust, truth and everything else.
I'd slap her for one particular scene, then kiss her dainty feet.


9) Alexander the Great
Okay, okay, I know, wtf, right? But he's my childhood hero, people. I've always loved him and, in this case, I mean always - can't remember a time when I didn't. Must be my previous life as Hephaestion or something creeping up on me, hahaha!


I'd first stop him from getting totally smashed (put that fucking goblet down, idiot) and then talk about his dreams and thoughts on humans.


10)Robert Frost
I hate long, winding poems with big, pretentious words or deep meanings which you have to have a PhD in literature - or know the poet personally - to get. For me, poems are feelings and images jumping up from the written page. And this is why I like this guy so much. His poems are simple, sometimes childishly so, but they feel true. And I worship the melancholy in them.



My favourite lines from "Stopping by woods on a snowy evening":

The woods are lovely, dark and deep
but I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep

I heard him do a reading of that and got shivers at the sadness and tiredness of his voice.


So, that's my top ten people as things stand right now. For any developments, I'll notify at once... Promise...

Oh, and, some pics do not have links to the page I got them from - I had saved them in my computer loooooong ago and I've forgotten. Apologies!

Body talk

---Note: inspired by a recent talk with friends, could also have been called "A love declaration to human body", but that's too long a title...---

My mom and dad never hid their bodies from us.

The bathroom door in our house never locked and was, indeed, often left ajar. It was very, very natural for all four of us to be in the bathroom at once - one taking a shower (without a curtain, mum had watched Psycho, so shower curtains were a no-no), one peeing or pooing or whatever and the other two just hanging out and talking.

My brother and I, we always shared a bedroom. We took showers together even until we were well in our teens.

So, the human body held no mysteries for us and we never associated anything shameful with nudity - it was something natural.

I was always an active person - did track and field in high school, then self-taught yoga, then kung-fu. I had no problem stripping before others in the changing rooms and could not comprehend their blushes and desperate attempts to hide themselves when they had to do so as well.

My body is not perfect in any way. When I was small, I was ever scarred and scabbed and had a tummy and round cheeks. I was thin to a scary point in my mid-teens (bad time all around, that). Chubby for a year in England. Toneless afterwards. Very toned and sinewy at kung-fu. Currently wiry. I loved it every way. All I ask of my body is to obey my commands. When it doesn't, it's simply time for training...

Human body is fascinating. There has never been a single person I've met that I've not loved at least one body characteristic of his/hers.
I love smelling skin, kissing it and feeling its texture. I love its warmth. In more intimate moments, its taste, its sensitivity.
I adore scars. They show what a body has gone through, testaments to its history. I love how they mar perfection and yet beautify at the same time. I love the difference in the way they feel against my lips or tongue.
Other things that appeal to me: a relaxed hand. A pair of sparkling eyes. A wicked smile. Fingers absently brushing hair away from a face. A clean smell - no heavy perfume, please (gah!!). Veins showing under the skin. Curled toes. Healing scabs. An arched neck. An arched back. Any childish gesture, like puffing cheeks, rubbing eyes with fists etc. A low, melodious voice. A purr. A confident walk. A proud toss of the head...

All in the eyes, by lucbecks in deviantart

Neck, by oldboy1985 in deviantart

Wow wow wow, humans are just so fucking beautiful! And to think that so many of them don't even realize it! I get it, really, I do in a way, but I don't get it, you know?..
Maybe I'm just too pagan for my own good or something, heh!

Ayano Yamane - yaoi mistress

Thought I'd start presenting my favourite yaoi mangaka (ie yaoi manga creators), since I adore yaoi - in the rare chance you've not noticed yet...
Most people are surprised to be told that yaoi manga are, in fact, more often than not created by and read by women. Gay men usually prefer geicomi (gaycomics), one reason being that, in yaoi it is usually very clear who the seme is and who the uke, while in geicomi - and real life gay couples - the roles often tend to switch around...
But this post is to present my most beloved, my most prized, my best of the best and fuck all the rest (in any way you want) mangaka: Ayano Yamane-sensei!
Whoohoooooo!!

I love her. Her artwork is the best I've yet seen, in any type of manga (whether yaoi or not). Very rarely is a mangaka good at drawing both people and background, but she does it - you talented woman, you!





And she, of course, created my favourite yaoi character: Asami Ryuuichi, the guy who made me start smoking. A very, very strong seme archetype, a ruthless, possessive, cold, sadistic bastard. How could I not identify? Meheheheh...





Asami is a character in The Finder Series (aka Viewfinder). Right now, due to this, copies in English are rare and the prices through the roof, but there are some negotiations to re-publish it with another company. You can find bits and pieces on YouTube, but most of the accounts that uploaded it are now suspended.
The story is very simple: young aspiring photographer Takaba Akihito meddles in the affairs of mafia-boss Asami and is...punished.





A Chinese Triad boss, Fei-Long - who is secretly in love with Asami - kidnaps Akihito to get back at Asami, since he thinks Asami betrayed him and killed his dad.
Asami goes to China to duke it out with Fei and get his (his, dammit!) Akihito back...
Okay, this is supposed to be an over-18 blog. So...





Are you all alive? Yeah? Cool.

Yamane-sensei is also the creator of Crimson Spell, an ongoing manga which I currently own. This one also has a clear-cut seme-uke relationship, between wizard Havi and prince Vald.





Vald is possessed by a curse of an evil sword and turns into a demon-beast full of bloodlust. Havi helps him look for a way to break the curse - and helps himself to the beast-Vald, while falling in love with the real Vald.





A lot of LOTR-style wandering and many funny moments, this has an admittedly thicker plot than Viewfinder.

Yamane-sensei has a huge body of work, doujinshi and other manga, find it here.

Ah, a last warning - in some yaoi manga, the actual penetration is hidden by the angle drawn, or by a thigh or by a shirt-flap or whatever. In others, the penis itself is rubbed out or blurry or something. Yamane-sensei's work is not like that. Not.

*temptation to post such a pic rising*
....................................................................................

*temptation continues, damn my evil self*
....................................................................................

Shit, you know me, I can never resist temptation. So, there.





*evil grin*

Anyway, just a note, all these pics come linkless, since the manga uploaders no longer exist. This is why most pics have awful quality - downloading takes a lot out... All art belongs to Ayano Yamane, 'course.

Sympathy for the Devil

----Note: I’ll refer to Lucifer as “him” to avoid confusion, though angels are sexless----

----Note to friends: a lot of things written below don’t apply to you, but to the rest of humanity, okay? Okay? Don’t be mad??----

Puss-in-boots, from Shrek

Okay, here goes: reasons I totally dig Lucifer.

Lucifer, by arktiari at deviantart

1-Both me and him, we got daddy issues. Nothing that can’t be solved by a .44 to dad’s head in my case. In Luce’s, it’s a bit more difficult, poor sod…

Bullet pic from Wikipedia, God pic from rediff.com

2-We are firstborn and were expected to be a shiny beacon of propriety and the heirs of tradition. You know how that one worked out for Luce. It’s exactly the same for me.


3-We got brothers we simply adore, ones that are the beloved of our parents. (Mika and my own brother, take a bow!)

Protector, by feimo at deviantart

4-We are both rebels. Rules and restrictions are there to be smashed under our booted heels, pissed upon and left behind in a steaming heap.

5-We are proud, arrogant, willful, self-reliant pricks.

6-We are quite devious. Good actors. Accomplished liars.

7-Good in listening, recognizing hearts, figuring out weaknesses and exploiting them for our own purposes.

8-Sadistic, cold, cruel when it pleases us. Appearances may be deceptive. A lot.



So, that’s why at this test I got 95% match with Satanism and at this one I turned out, yes, you guessed it, Satan.

Look, speaking as the Dark Overlord that I am, I got no interest in your souls. I can use them for nothing, so you can keep 'em if you want ‘em. I got no interest in human blood or animal blood either, eeeeewwww, people, I’m a vegetarian for fuck’s sake. And I don’t care if you have sex amongst yourselves or not, go ahead if you feel like it. You won’t gain anything from me, but if you want me to watch…can I bring popcorn?

I am a highly accommodating being. Just do as you please. I’ll accept it or kill you for it. And I’ll do so according to my whim. Isn’t that a lot more honest and simple than making up all those rules and commandments?



*Sympathy for the Devil is a fave song from Rolling Stones, watch it here if you wanna*

If you meet me, have some courtesy...

(I totally keep the right of using "Sympathy for the Devil" in more than one posts)

Yesterday was, in its most part, a horrible, painful, annoying day.

I woke up at 11:00, having slept for four hours, when a "friend" called my cell to ask me out for coffee and so hand me my invite for her wedding. We arranged to meet at 13:00. Slept a half-hour more, made coffee, went in for a shower. She was ringing my doorbell at 12:05, then called 25 times - no joke - on my cell and 10 more on my home line in the space of five minutes.
I rinsed off, called her back. In between, she had gone back to the place she was staying - a ten-minute-walk from mine. She decided 13:00 was now too early. But she was hungry. Maybe some lunch together?
I'm an accommodating fellow. Sure, I said, would 14:00 be okay?
Or maybe for coffee later? was the musing answer. Just get yourself dressed, stay at home and wait and, when I'm ready, I'll ring and come pick you up...

...People... Am I just being weird? Is it just that I'm a fucking controlling bastard? 'Cause at that line, I saw red. No, no, I saw red. My claws came out. My lips pulled back from my teeth. My bristles stood up at my nape.

image in www.firstpeople.us

I did mention I am a control freak, right? I very calmly - while clawing through my walls - told her that I had plans for the evening. Which I had. I belong to a committee and we had arranged to meet - more of that in another post, probably.

-"Really? You actually have other plans?" was the answer. Just imagine the voice showing the deepest amount of honest surprise.

...Right... Gimme a minute here... Breathe in... Breathe out... And in... And out...

-"Yeah, I do, so..."
-"Then let's meet in the evening."
-"I have to go to the commitee meeting..."
-"Oh, yeah, right..."
-"Shall we meet for lunch, then?"
-"...."
-"Will you be able to make it around 14:00?"
-"Yeah, okay, I suppose I'll have to, won't I."

We met. She ordered a salad, then called the waiter to explain in length why that salad was just not right for her - it was too sweet, not salty, if she wanted sweet she would have gone to a pastry shop, apparently - then ate it all, moaning how very wrong it was at every bite. And regaled me to an account of her wedding preparations - in detail.

Did I mention that I had a raging migraine since I had woken up and during this whole time?

There are few things - if any - more important to me than being polite. I may be a Dark Overlord and all, I may lust after your souls, but I will fucking say please and thank you while comsuming them. And pet you and smile and serve and listen to what you have to say before that.

I'll be in this world for a short period of time. The only way to make it bearable for myself and for others is kindness, politeness, tolerance. Even if it's just an act. Even if in reality my head is splitting open from pain, or even if I want to scream, or curse, or bust my fists through the walls in anger... *

That habit of hers of embarrassing waiters, cleaners or any whose job is to serve, by the way, is like a trademark. She does it all the time. She thinks "It's my money, so you're my bitch". I put quotes on the word friend at the top, because I can consider noone who does this a true friend. For me, the less you know someone, the more sensitive to their feelings you should be.

I listened to everything she said with interest. I smiled and laughed. I hugged her goodbye and kissed her cheek and wished her the best.
A fucking hypocrite is right. And also feeling bitter and all gothic right now. I'm stopping with the philosophy, before I start writing fucking poetry, 'kay?



* not applicable if you hurt my friends - then I'll end you...

Tarot decks!

This is totally, completely random, it's 03:56 am, I should go to bed, but I gotta write this!

I found the perfect tarot decks for me! Oh, wow, I didn't even know I would find something so right!

I have wanted to buy a deck for some time now, viewing it more as a pastime and an artistic item - I love the pictures, even in normal cards, and I get disappointed if the drawing is too plain or too common - than a fortune-telling device, I mean come on, the future is clear: death and destruction for mankind, muahahaha!

So, tonight, after feeding my pets (my Facebook pets, that is), I googled "tarot decks" and the first result was this site.
I was dizzy with choice, made to close the tab, then said "What the hell, might as well go alphabetically and search them all" - yes, yes, masochistic, I know, bring your whips next time, I'll be the one wearing the leather collar...
And, lo and behold, at the letter "m" I found... *drum roll*

The Magic Manga Tarot deck







aaand...

The Manga Tarot deck








Heaven... I'm in heaven,
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak



Cheek to cheek, by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

and I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we're out togeth....

....Heaven?! Aaaarrrghhhh!!

YouTube sucks...

...balls and I don't mean in a good way. A good way would be like this:

Asami Ryuuichi, Finder series, by Ayano Yamane

(though that's actually licking and not sucking per se)

Let's explain.

First off, I am, to begin with, a huge fan of YouTube. I have watched nearly 7000 videos over the time I've been online - not terribly long, bought laptop just months ago - mostly music, anime and manga scanlations made by fans into videos. I have left comments. I have rated. I have made friends from different countries with similar interests to mine. Have sworn at people - not the thing with your hand over your heart, the "you stupid motherfucker" thing. Have added videos to my favourites, have made playlists, have subscribed to accounts.

It has always been understood (I mean by me) that YouTube caters to a wide - really wide - range of interests, for example I would only go near something like this kicking, screaming profanities and talking in tongues saying "Our name is Legion". It works for some. It's cool by me. I won't watch it. I won't rate it. I won't comment it. I will not fucking flag it.

Ah, yes, flaggers. People who never met me, will never meet me, will never know me, but who nonetheless know what I don't need in my life and do me the service of removing the said offensive item from my path. Do-gooders. For-the-sake-of-our-young, the-preservation-of-our-future, God-is-on-our-side sorta people (I'll write a post aaaaall about them one day)...

And what do these people do? For example, they find a video with adult content, namely something like this

and flag it. A warning is placed, underaged cannot access it. So far, so good... Then they flag it again. And again. And the YouTube admins - or whachamacallits - suspend the account.

(Jules, babe, I'm so fucking sorry)

My favourites' list has been edited countless times, since vids and accounts are constantly removed. My friends' work goes down the drain. It is a nuisance, a violation and it really, really pisses me off... My pet would now warn you to run for cover.

The people uploading have posted over-18 warnings. Homosexual content warnings ('cause it's evil, you know, God has clearly decreed the nether entrance be used strictly for holy purposes, namely to shit...and, occassionally, fart - you can't just do as you please, boy). Plus "I don't own the manga or the music" notices. But still. Not fucking enough.

I heard this song in such a video



Enter, by Within Temptation


Within Temptation's is not the type of music I would normally listen to - I'm a blues, classic rock, prog fan myself. Therefore, I would never look for it in a store. I watched the video. I heard the music. I now own a couple of CDs. Have posted a link on Facebook. Clearly a loss for the artist...

Most of the manga I own I first found on YouTube - their anime, OVAs or scanlations. That incudes one of my top favourites, Loveless by Yun Kouga.



So, what's the excuse? Is there one? Think, YouTube. How about it? How about asking us? And how about leaving us the fuck alone (man, I have a serious problem with "authority" - hey, every Dark Overlord should)...

Ranted my black heart out... Feel better now... Bed?

Cigarette ban and the story of cool...

---Note: Ban on smoking in public places effective in my country as of today---

So, today they called us at work.
- "No smoking at all, not even in the kitchen" (which was our foggy den so far)
- "So... We'll just go outside for a smoke?"
- "No, if you do, the office will look like a high-school, smokers hanging outside"
- "So... What will we do?"
- "Not smoke"
- "....."

...Right... Today all of us displayed marvelous altruistic sides:
- "Uhh... I'm just going to the corner store, for some...water, yes, water, anyone need anything?"
- "Oh, hold on, I'll help you carry the...bottles"
- "Right. Thanks. 'Cause they're heavy...yeah"
If the bottles were nowhere on sight when they returned, noone said anything. They had obviously already drank it all and the smell of smoke - well, you know how pollution is these days...

Ah, my first cigarette! Let me get all teary-eyed with nostalgia... I remember it as if it were yesterday (it was a year ago), when inspired by this sexy fellow from the Finder manga series,

Asami Ryuuichi, by Ayano Yamane

I got up, got dressed, went to the corner store - at 01:30 - got a pack and then smoked my very first cig. I immediately loved the smell, the bitter taste, the slight high, everything about it really...
What brand did I pick? That was easy. I wanted to be a cowboy when I was younger, and so, watching cigarette ads on the telly (yes, I'm that old, dammit), I knew already it would always be Marlboro Reds...



Marlboro Man, by mediazoosx

Wanna find out what's the brand for you? Check this out.

Being the controlling, seme freak that I am, I have not (so far) allowed myself more than 2 cigarettes/day. But that's not the point. I love it. I've made my pet a second-hand smoke addict. I think cigarettes are cool (political correctness has nothing to do with this blog).
Yeah, they're COOL. Can you imagine any of these fellows sucking on mints or chewing straws instead of chomping on cigars and cigarettes?

Wolverine, in photobucket

John Constantine, in photobucket

Hellboy, in photobucket

Jesse Custer (aka Preacher), in photobucket

Nope. Exactly.
And what about age-old traditions of flirting, like
-"Got a light, babes?"



*puuuufffff*



*swoon*

Seishirou (smoker) and Subaru, X-1999

*sigh*

Anyway, a friend has recently quit smoking, another one is seeking help to do the same, yet another one is thinking about it. You know I love you all, you guys, and I'll be rooting for you. From outside. In the drizzle. Huddled together with Wolverine, Seishirou, Asami and co, coughing and hacking out phlegm...

*puuuuuuffffff*