For Katie...

We met almost twelve years ago now. You looked slightly bewildered, anxious, first time alone and away from home. I stalked you for a while, noting what you said and how you behaved and then came up and asked to be your friend. I had no idea just how precious you'd come to be to me or how much I'd grow to love you.

I was in a recuperating time then, building myself anew from my shards of self, deciding by smell who I'd be. You stood by me, bearing my darkness, lighting it with your smile, your naughtiness, your playfulness. And you'd casually bring a swift kick to my ass when I got too gothic and self-pitying for your taste.
You bore my anger, my sadness, my insanity, my fumbling around and you showed me love so effortlessly I was left gasping. Meeting you and your family showed me that there were decent, beautiful people out there.

Through the years we're together, we've weathered some really heavy crises, haven't we? Sickness, loss, changes, distance, life happening around us.
I changed personalities as you changed clothes, but I always felt safe doing so, knowing that you'd love the new me as you loved the old one, you'd accept the new me as you had accepted the old one, with no questions, as if everything is okay and inevitable.
You have no presumptions, no prejudices. You are the only one in this world who knows everything, everything about me. All my secrets. You are the only one I have allowed to see the secret core of me - and you were not repulsed.

During the last bad time we went through, as we sat on the deserted beach and you wept in my arms - so small you got lost in my embrace and, as I squeezed you close, I feared I'd break you if I wasn't careful - I wanted for God to exist, so I'd have someone to hate for your pain. Or for Nature to manifest herself in front of me so I could rip her heart out with my teeth.
You told me, in your despair, you thought of dying. I selfishly told you you couldn't, for where would that leave me? I love you so much, I can't be altruistic. Forgive me for that, my friend.

But now, the darkness has passed and you are happy again. And tomorrow, you are getting engaged to the man of your choice, the man I have grown to love as well, seeing him through your eyes.
I hope he knows what a lucky bastard he is. I hope he treats you as you deserve to be treated. I hope you are always ridiculously happy together, so I can tease you when you get all starry-eyed talking about him.

My friend, thank you. I love you. I wish you joy. I wish you health, but that is too little to contain how I feel about you.

What I really wish for is for the universe to get its thumb out of its ass and start revolving around you, like it's supposed to.